it takes a bit more than you
Skylar|29|PNW|He/Him
Actor, Performer, Writer, Photographer.
I'm biromantic, demisexual, autistic, and a nonbinary trans man.
Trying to focus on enjoying life and the people and things in it!
ALT:0
A day late, but posting a story of when we first got married to celebrate our anniversary:
The thing about having an autistic husband, is as much as I love him, he just is not capable of picking up on behaviors or facial expressions and knowing what they mean. He needs me to speak the words I’m feeling.
Early on, this was a problem. When I was exhausted after work and didn’t have the emotional energy to deal with anything, I needed some time alone.
I would say “I’m tired,” get up and leave a room.
He’d follow.
I would shut a door.
He would open it, and keep talking to me.
I had to actually speak the words, “I would like a little bit of space for a while.”
And then he would say, “Oh.” In a sad voice.
And then I’d feel like an asshole, because he always seemed so sad when I did that. I didn’t want to hurt him. I loved him, and I thought I was a bad wife for wanting time for myself. Things were not good.
One day, I came home, and on my desk was a card, laminated. It was simple, black text on white background, in 36-point font. It said:
I love you. Fuck off.
And he took my hands and said the reason he was sad wasn’t that I needed space— he needs his sometimes too, but I pick up the signals and leave him alone.
He felt bad that he couldn’t understand me, and I always looked so uncomfortable and guilty when I told him.
So now I have a card that I can hand to him, any time, and he will understand and go away for an hour and nobody feels guilty.
Yeah, I am a little tired of the animal fiction that takes it upon itself to demonize zoos, conservation centers, responsible captivity and ex situ.
Yes, there are bad zoos, but there are also good ones. And I don’t give a shit if 200 years ago it wasn’t a good thing. Today their main objective and purpose is the conservation of species and that is a very important thing.
I am super against light pollution, and have been for decades
but I am also super annoyed by the way it’s framed as “without light pollution you can see how beautiful the night sky is” way more prominently than it’s framed as “hey, did you ever stop to think of how much energy/resources/money are literally wasted by having so much light shine up into the sky?”
so people get the idea that light pollution can only be remedied by eliminating all night-time light, which would make being outside at night very inconvenient, instead of by making night-time light shine only on the ground where, y'know, the people who need it are
The mildest example of what OP’s talking about in Dunedin, Aotearoa:
This is just with the streetlamp equivalent of using lampshades. Imagine what truly directional city lights could achieve?
and i mean, there’d still be a little bit of light pollution even with truely directional lights due to the fact that it’d all reflect off of the road, but i think i’d rather that than not being able to see on my way home from work- i work in food service, and sometimes i am legit getting home after 2AM.
not to mention, even with the current solution, if you use properly reflective shielding, you can use dimmer bulbs to achieve the same amount of light because it’s all getting redirected down.
also its telling to me that pretty much every single time a transmasc ends up dead, from murder or suicide, they are misgendered/deadnamed at some point. often by their family or the police, and then the news. & obviously this is not exclusive to transmascs by any means but so often the only way we know they are transmasc is because of their social media or their friends speaking out about it. the idea that they might be transmasc isn’t even thought of. and that really proves to me how many transmascs throughout time have been labeled women & had their transness erased in death without a second thought. rest in peace to all the brothers & siblings who were robbed of their life twice.
NIMONA (2023)
I don’t know what’s scarier. The fact that everyone in this kingdom wants to run a sword through my heart…or that sometimes…I just wanna let ‘em.
On the topic of new trans men figuring themselves out and how it’s not like anyone gives out a manual on how to be a man, and also on the topic of supporting more queer POC
Can we talk about the unique experience of genuinely not knowing what haircuts to even consider when you’re black??? Because like… “short hair” happens with both black men and black women, bald/shaved happens with both, long happens with both, braids and locs happen with both, afros happen with both
It took me forever to figure out that I can do all of the variations I’d been doing, just that the unique styling is different on these gender lines.
As a Black trans man who wants a hair cut really bad, it’s hard for me to even visualize a buzz cut on a Black person. Like I see so many posts helping trans men out with how they would look if they got a hair cut, but pretty much all of them have white people as examples. Trans men of color are THAT invisible to the point to were I’ve convinced myself that I wouldn’t look good with short hair.
Sure, I can look up pics of Black men with a buzz cut but 99.9% of them are gonna be cis Black men, folks I look nothing like. And if I add in trans, I’m scared that instead of getting articles about hair cuts, I’m gonna articles about violence we’ve faced over these past few years.
I wanna see sites and articles discussing Black hair and styles for Black trans people. If there’s a site for it, I’d like to know dearly and I want that shit to be boosted to high hell because resources for Black hair, let alone for Black trans people aren’t really around. Especially when it comes to Black folks with 4c hair, like myself.
At the end of the day, no Black trans men or Black trans person in general should be convincing themselves that they’d look ugly with shorter or longer hair, just because they can’t seem themselves being represented anywhere. It shouldn’t get to that point. Ever.
You’re right, even trying to google black trans masc hairstyles mostly just gets you white people with white people hair. Yeah sorry that’s literally not possible with my hair texture.
I’ve sort of had to… make things up as I go along. Like you, I was told repeatedly that my hair texture does not look good when cut short. It took me a very long time to want to try a shorter style as a result. It took me even longer to say fuck it, big chop, and shave my head bald. There. Starting fresh.
What I’ve found has been working for me is to first figure out what hair texture you have. I find just googling “black male hairstyle” will get you mostly 4c hair which is great for those who have it and the facial structure to match! And less great for those who don’t! With me having 3b/3c hair, I was able to find a number of short styles on a wide variety of faces and thus was able to figure out what worked best for how I like to look. And it did take some experimentation and trust, but it ultimately made me really appreciate taking the time to actually do my hair rather than feeling like it was this massive chore.
Once you find your hair texture, you need to do two things:
Figure out what hairstyles you like best with your hair texture. Avoid gendered terms if you can. If you want a short style, look for short styles. If you want a long style, look for long styles. BLACK MEN CAN AND DO WEAR THEIR HAIR LONG frequently as an afro, braids, or locs. It’s up to you to then decide if that long look is something you’re interested in, and how to masculinize it if so. Personally, I prefer the ever popular shaved sides look, and eventually will be getting braids or locs with the length on the top depending if my 3b/3c hair will actually cooperate with locs. I did the fro look for a while and I’ve had cornrows but for the most part I put some product in it and wear my natural curls that way. Protective styling is a big big thing with black men even though it’s mostly only spoken about in the context of female styles. I had a really long conversation with a black coworker about protective styles and how he chooses to do his hair, which is actually longer than mine.
And, figure out the best care for your hair texture. For me, I have a rotating schedule of oil to rub into my scalp and shea butter pomade to style with when wearing my hair natural. All those selfies of mine, if my hair is free, it’s got one of the two in it. I got a lot better about protecting my hair at night, using a leave-in overnight and the day after wash day. Being consistent on the timing of wash day. I use black owned shampoo and conditioner in my hair made specifically for black men. I use a durag and a sport cap to protect my hair on days when its most prone to damage. My hair has never been healthier and I’ve never been happier with the way I can wear and style it.
It was a huge transition for me because I used to have waist-length hair and then shaved my head bald about a year and a half ago to start over and build a better routine than semi resentment from the ground up.
With your 4c hair I would say to take a glance at these:
As there are a number of different styles besides just shaving your head completely bald, and depending on your comfort level, you can try out a good deal of them before making a firm decision on what exactly you want your head to look like.
You can also do like me and just walk into a barber shop and tell them that you have to play a male character for a production and you have no idea what to do with your hair and see if they’ll help you, but I recommend only doing that if you’re willing to get a “we don’t cut girl hair” while you’re trying it. I did that the first time I cut my hair short and to his credit he did cut my hair fairly short and style it well, but it was still far too feminine for me, so I explored a lot of options after that.
Holy shit thank you! @ my followers, PLEASE boost this addition! Black trans folks out there might need this and it might just help them out with their hair or even with just simply feeling seen! A Black trans person taking time out of their day to share their experiences and resources could use some boosting and this carries a lot of personal information and advice in it! DON’T undermine this valuable information!!!
BARBIE (2023) + CAST INTERVIEWS
I hope that they feel good about themselves watching it. Like I don’t know, I feel like there’s some sort of relief in this movie in that the message ultimately is you’re good. You’re good as you are. You are enough just as you are. You’re crushing it. - Margot Robbie
Two trans men (Andrew Blake-Newton(30) and Emmett Brock(23)) have been targeted with brutal violence just weeks after an 18 year old trans man, Jacob Williamson was murdered. Emmett Brock was charged with three felonies, later reduced to misdemeanors, and has lost his job.
In this same week, Riley John Groover(26) shot and killed himself after murdering his partner — a trans man, Camdyn Rider (21) and his unborn child that he was 8 months pregnant with. This happened after months of Groover admittedly violently stalking Camdyn.
Vintage moon and stars banjo heads
1 of 8749Next page »
